The Lord's Will

Yesterday was my 38th Birthday. I feel great even though I am pushing 40, haha. I have started to really enjoy working out at the gym in the mornings and I crave it. Hopefully it has become part of my daily routine, a real habit that will be hard to break. I still am a dork about my appearance and have issues with body image. Roger took some very nice pictures of me blowing out my candle and all I could see was the "chubs" I like to call them. Ivy said, "Where are the chubs mom"? and Roger said, "Exactly." I am working on it. It has been a life long battle and I am really trying to have a better perspective on things. I don't want any sympathy, I just have a mind set that I need to continue to try and set right. I know it and that is that. I have been anxious to hear back from the Lyric Theater to see if I got cast in the company for the summer. Sunday as I was in Sacrament Meeting I got this overwhelming feeling that everything was going to work out the way it needed to for the summer and no matter what it would be The Lord's Will. I felt a peace and calm rush over me and I knew whatever happened it would be for the best. I gave my all at the audition and now it was out of my hands. Roger and I talked about it last night. He had already determined in his mind that he was not cast. I had not settled yet, I was anxious. So, I sent Dennis (the Artistic Director, and man in charge of casting) an email just to see the status on casting. Normally this isn't protocol, but I figured since he had called me initially and invited me to audition I had some freedom to be more forward. Today I got the mail and found that Lyric had sent Roger a letter. I called him and asked if I could open it. It was a rejection letter. My hopes were dashed for him, but went up a little for me since I hadn't received one. Then about an hour later I got a call from Dennis. He had received my email and proceeded to tell me they were going in another direction and would not be casting me for the summer. They were going with a woman who had played Patsy in three different productions of Always, Patsy Cline. The other roles I would have played in Blithe and Mousetrap would be filled by a current USU student. It was so great because I had been prepared a couple days earlier for that moment of "rejection". I think it is so wonderful that we have a Heavenly Father who knows us to the core and knows what is important to us and can prepare us for moments like this one our lives. I felt at peace and laughed and chatted with Dennis a little. It seemed like it was "right" even though my heart had been so set on it. I knew both Roger and I did great auditions and it was so good for us TO audition and re-connect with this company and with old friends. I guess I was supposed to receive my rejection letter as well, but for some unknown reason it did not arrive in my mail box. I think it was all meant to work out the way it did. SO, the future is open wide! I am actually very excited to be at home to plant and tend our garden, work on house projects and be with the kids and Roger full time. It truly does feel right. I know it feels that way because it is The Lord's Will, there are things in store for me that will be the best for me at this time. Can't wait to see the summer unfold. I have some goals (I will share at a later post) that I am truly looking forward to...and just for the record, deep down, I think I will play Patsy someday. She and I have some unfinished business!