Mirror, Mirror on the Wall??

Heart pounding with anticipation. You are ready for this, you have put in the work for weeks. You practiced your monologue every day from a half hour to an hour. Vocalized and rehearsed your song for an hour every day. You are wearing your favorite power suit that will signify the character and your hair was cooperative...well, my hair never lets me down, let's be honest. Not too much make-up. Subtle, yet enough so I don't look pale. Focus. Fill out the form...stupid fly, why is there a fly in here and why does it seem to be highly attracted to me? I am not wearing perfume. Must be the hairspray. Form is filled out...where is the conflict sheet? Oh, well. I only have one conflict and I can inform them if I get a call back...WHEN I get a call back. Think positive. Focus. Breathe. I am so ready for this. I was born to play this role. You got this! Heart pumping out of my chest. Breathe. "They are ready for you." Yes! Act casual, not too eager. Confident. It is all about confidence. Breathe. Enter the room, friendly faces greet and make me feel at ease. Accompanist seems capable. Great! See taped "X" on the floor, hit my mark. "Hello, my name is..." There is a huge mirror right behind them. This is a dance studio so that would make sense. Don't panic. But, where am I going to look? "I will be doing..." If I look up at that plant hook reflected in the mirror, maybe... "I will be singing..." My gaze won't be too high. I feel like my chin is up in the air. Why is she playing my song, wait, what? "Oops!...No, I will be doing my monologue first." "Oh, Sorry. I can't hear in this room." Great, the accompanist just said she can't hear me and where should I look? I don't want to look at myself in the mirror, that will be weird. The hook, I will look at the hook. This character is supposed to be regal. If my chin is up a bit, it will add to the character, right? "Ibsen, Ibsen, Ibsen..." Man, this monologue is not quite how I rehearsed it. Get it together, Dunbar! Focus! Be the character, stop acting...you are acting. Is that hook white or gray? "Ibsen, Ibsen, Ibsen..." Almost done and I just can't...I need to look at myself, I need to put my chin down, aaaaand there I am. I can't seem to find a focal point besides my own eyes in this mirror. I look lost. What is my last line? Ah, yes..."Ibsen!" Hopefully the song will redeem me. It is the last impression. Here we go. Try to look more to the side of yourself than right at yourself. I feel I am drifting back.... Oh, who cares, just look at yourself. Sing to yourself. That will look normal, right? "Singing sad song, Singing sad song, Singing sad song..." I am having an outer body experience. I feel my spirit leaving my body, I am so...this is so weird! I don't want to look at myself! Whew, it is hot in here. Am I too young for hot flashes? Yes, I am too young. Breathe. "Singing sad song, Singing sad song..." Last note is coming make it great. "Singing. Sad. Song." Not terrible. But, I honestly can't recall. All I know is that there is a mirror right behind the people I am supposed to impress and win over and I don't remember anything except what I look like when I am distractedly performing an Ibsen monologue and singing a very sad song. Smile. Say my thanks, get my music, bump into the fly on the way out. Ugh! Drink some water. Take a deep breath. Walk slowly away in a confused haze.

Stupid mirror.

Comments

  1. You are such a fine writer, Tamari!! I visualized every word and feeling as your words were uttered. Fine writing. I felt your pain!!! Love

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